Well, I’ve officially survived my first round of senior midterms. Key word: survived. I didn’t say it was pretty, but hey – it’s over. In better news, round two starts next week, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. [insert extreme sarcasm – and excessive studying – here] To give you an idea of what the upcoming segment of my life looks like: project, midterm, midterm, paper, project. And that’s just the next two weeks… But all I’m thinking about right now (to get me through this academic hell) is watching The O.C. on rerun and eating some (thick and creamy) Mac and Cheese. Senioritis? Maybe. (Definitely.)
But as my crazy semester charges forward – and full steam ahead, at that – I’m thankful for all of the chaos and commotion. I don’t know how to live my life with any sort of vacant, dead space. I’m constantly hustling from A to B because I don’t know how else to do it. I’m not wired to have down time; I’m not wired to simply ‘do nothing’. Definitely sounds nice, but so does walking out of this class right now, and we all know that won’t happen (because he takes attendance).
I’m a girl on the move. I excel under pressure, time constraints and over-booking. I thrive on activity and a full schedule, and when I don’t have a stacked agenda? It’s great for all of 4.7 seconds, and then I’m more stressed, less productive and incredibly anxious.
That doesn’t mean this crazy life filled with never-ending commitments (and far-too-little sleep) is always fun. It definitely isn’t perfect, but after 21 years, I know how I operate; I’m thankful for the ability to know myself, know my body and know my own personal needs. Now, don’t let me fool you. Meditation, (mediocre) cooking, writing and plans with friends are all in there, they’re scheduled – and written with pen, so they’re firm and nonnegotiable. I’m not a robot, and I never will (or want) to be, but I do need to be busy. Hence, I choose to scramble my way through life in survival mode and to take on (far) more than I can handle sometimes.
At times my life is one gigantic headache, but it’s uniquely mine, and it’s one that I’ve learned to function with. At some point I’ll reduce the chaos, slow my steps and increase the amount of vacant space in my Google Calendar. But as a 21-year-old with seemingly endless energy, I’m just enjoying the mayhem and embracing whatever craziness is thrown at me (or that I intentionally opt into).
And as nuts as this restless life may be (literally), I make sure to have constant reminders that this life is one to be thankful for and one worth cherishing: endless laughter, love, incredible company and an overdose of self-acceptance and respect.
I’m going a million miles a minute down the highway of life, and there’s no way I’m stopping anytime soon.
Keep doing you, as fast or as slow as that may be.
Gotta run, love…